Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Why I Do What I Do

I have taken on a lot of volunteer work lately. So much that my husband says that I am a "Professional Volunteer" and he's probably right. I get a lot of slack for my meetings, phone calls, emails and such that go along with this, but the truth is I enjoy it. I have posted a lot about being a stay at home mom and the challenges, the good things, the bad things.....and honestly, I wouldn't change it. Are there times when I think maybe I should get a job? Of course. But then I know if I was working, I would wish I was staying at home again so I know that for me, this is the best case scenario. I stay at home with the boys and I work on projects that I feel strongly about as well. Do these projects take me away from the boys and the things I need to do at home? Yes. Does it get frustrating and overwhelming at times? YES! Am I going to stop? No way Jose. I get a lot of people that ask why I take on so much and so here's my answer.
I know I have mentioned it before, but honestly I am too lazy to go back and link and already putting things off by posting (hello procrastination.....) so I will just repeat. I quit working 2 weeks before I had Troy. I wanted to get everything in order and also didn't want to just not show for work one day and that be it. Closure was needed if that's what you want to call it. I tried to keep up with my athletic training certification, personal training certification and teaching licensure but knew it would be YEARS before I went back to work. It is very expensive to keep up with continuing education, licensure dues, membership dues and such so we decided that I was done and when the time came to go back, I would figure it all out. So, basically I gave up everything to be a SAHM. For months I felt very lost. I loved being at home and not having to deal with working and raising a child, but I really was struggling. I was lonely because no one else I knew was a SAHM. I joined a Mommy group but it was a 45 min drive and just got to be too much. My attempts at starting up a group in my area failed, minus the fact that I made really good friends out of it. The group fizzled and now we just get together when we have time. I could go through all the ways staying at home was and is amazing for me, but there was still something that I was always missing so when I started volunteering with certain groups and had things in my life that were not child related, it all came together. I just needed it for me and so I began taking on lots of volunteer work and finally felt fulfilled. I volunteer with church, Relay for Life, a local Breast Cancer fundraising event, and now the PTO and raising money for a new playground. Is it too much? Probably, but I really enjoy each component. Cancer has affected my life in a profound way and by working with the two programs I feel like I am doing something. I am passionate about health and fitness and our community is lacking in this area (I won't get started......) and so working on the playground is very important to me.  Being a part of the PTO is showing the boys that I support their education (plus there's a part of me that really misses teaching so this is a small way to be involved in the school), And I enjoy giving back to our church. I will admit it--I need to feel needed and responsible for things. Yes, I am responsible for enough with the boys and at home, but I needed something for ME.
And there's another component to all this and it's called ENVY. Yep, I am very jealous of the way the boys put Jay up on a pedestal because he goes to work and does all sorts of cool things (in their eyes) and I am just plain old boring Mommy. Yes, one day they will appreciate what I have done for them, but for now, I don't want to be plain old boring mommy. I want to show them that I work hard, that I can do something good, that I can plan events and help get that awesome playground that is in the works and that I care about causes and maybe one day, I will know what it is to be up there on that pedestal.

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