Although I knew going into my appt today with the urologist that I most likely would not get the catheter removed, there was that tiny little part of me that was hopeful. I was at least hoping to get these horrendous staples removed, but nope, neither happened. So begins the pity party for myself. All the frustrations finally hit me today. I have been trying so hard to put on a "Everything is fine. I am doing fantabulous and this is nothing" face when inside, I have been going insane. I hate sitting at home. I hate not being able to play with my kids. I hate not being able to take care of my kids. I hate people having to wait on me at home--and in such horrendous ways too. "Jay, could you put my socks on? Troy, could you pick up that piece of paper right at my foot" It sounds so dang lazy when in reality, I JUST CAN'T DO IT. UGH. I hate that I can't go places because I am so embarrassed by the cath bag. (Yes, I know most people probably don't care, yet I see how people keep checking it out. I am a private person and I don't like that people get to watch me pee). It's so frustrating going from one extreme to another. In my head, I know that this is just a bump in the road. I know that 5 days (or longer depending on my healing) is not that long to wait for the catheter to come out. I know that people don't mind helping (that's debatable but who's going to admit that). I know that my boys will be okay and understand better than I think they do. However, hearing today from Troy "I wish I had a new mommy" and getting the dreaded "I hate you Mommy" from Will didn't help the mood any. I know they don't mean it, but it shows me that me being a bump on a log is no fun for them either. Everyone close to me is affected by this as well and that's what is so hard. Jay has been off work for 9 days now and at least 3 more--and he's a workaholic. Mom has been changing all her plans to be available to me--giving up things that she enjoys. My sister is changing her schedule and going out of her way to help make things easier for Jay. People are taking time out of busy schedules to cook and shop for us. Yes, it's all wonderful and believe me, I know how wonderful I have it with so many people available to help me. I am blessed beyond belief. I just wish I could get back to normalcy (or the new normal as my sister tells me since who knows what will happen with this leg) and let everyone else do so as well.
Okay, needed to get that off my chest. Thank you to all who came to my pity party. It's over now. Back to the "Life is great and this is totally manageable" attitude