Tuesday, June 28, 2011


This has been a very challenging few days. Not for me personally, but tragedies affect me differently now that I am a parent and I feel sick and heartbroken when people I barely know or have never even met are going through tough times. I am truly feeling at a loss this week because of 2 horrendous tragedies that have happened, both dealing with very young children. A 9 month old died from head trauma after a fall from a low height. It's impossible to imagine what the parents went through immediately after as they try to understand what caused a very common incident with young children to become fatal. In the other, a young child around 3 drowned in a pool on a family vacation. I do not know the details so I cannot share any more than that, but it is something I cannot stop thinking about. I cannot stop picturing either accident in my head. I cannot stop feeling sick for these parents and the grief they are feeling. The other thing is that I cannot stop the anger. I have written about this before (see My Faith and Healing) and honestly still struggle at times. I could feel it all bubbling again today when I woke up. I just started the day angry, short fused, no patience, everything bothered me and quite frankly, I was very *itchy. I just couldn't stop it. In my heart, I knew that I should be grateful and so thankful for any and all time--good and bad--I get with my children and should enjoy every minute, but I was struggling. And it's all because this is how I deal with sadness. I cry when I am alone, but when anyone else is around, I get angry. Not at them, but because I feel so completely and utterly helpless. I can't do a thing to help these people. I can't change the situation. I can't comfort them with just the right words. I just can't do anything and I hate it. I wish I could stop the anger. I wish that I could say that I fully trust God's plan, and in a way I do, but I just don't like it. I don't understand it and I would love to know why these things happen, but like I said in a previous blog, I *have* to believe that there's a reason. I have to because if I don't, I am totally helpless. At least now I can do one thing and that is pray for comfort and peace for the families that are devastated with grief right now.
Psalm 34:18
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit
Lamentations 3:31-33
For men are not cast off by the Lord forever.Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love.For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men.
Matthew 5:4
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

1 comment:

  1. I have to agree. Elli is sitting on my mind daily, its hard to look at B and not think of her. I'm so grateful to have him and hold him, snuggle and kiss him but I also feel guilty. Her mama should have her to do that. Its just not right, its just not fair. I'm so thankful to have my boys. It opens you up to the little things in life you take for granted. Those little falls seem harmless but at times they just aren't.

    Since becoming a mom also I can't think the same way. Things bother me like they do you. When I didn't have the boys I would hear a story and think, Oh that's sad. Now I was crying when we were told about Elli.

    I'm starting to tear up now.