Tuesday, August 31, 2010

My Faith

I usually avoid a couple of topics for various reasons. The first is Politics. I just don't feel knowledgeable enough to talk about politics. I have my views, I vote the way I want and feel most comfortable, but very rarely will anyone get me in a conversation about it. Religion is the other. I am not as afraid of this topic in conversation, and I will mention things that show others what my beliefs are, but I am not extremely vocal about it for some reason. I call myself a "Quiet Christian". I believe in God, I attend and help at church in various ways, I pray multiple times a day, I have read scripture, books like "The Shack" and "90 Minutes in Heaven" (both are very good I might add), but I am not the type that forwards emails or reposts the messages on FB, can quote scripture, or spreads the Word. Some people might say that makes me less of a Christian, but it's me and I won't change. There is one thing that I have heard and truly believe although I have heard that it drives others crazy when it's said and that is "God has a plan and only allows things to happen for a reason". I have heard people get VERY angry with this comment and say things like "If there was a God, he certainly wouldn't allow children to suffer". I can't say I agree with His plan. I can't say I understand it, but for whatever reason, it's His plan. There's a reason why I believe this and it's because I NEED to. I need to feel like things that have happened had a divine reason. It brings me comfort. If you don't agree, then that's fine, but again, it's me. Here's an example (and man, I hope my sister doesn't kill me for this one).
First, I need to give a little history. Back in 2005, on July 15, my sister was being induced. The same day, my Grandmother went into the hospital. My parent's checked in on her in one hospital, left, picked me up and we drove another hour (2 hours from my grandmother) to be with my sister. Over the next few weeks, my Grandmother took a turn for the worse and was sent home under Hospice care. My sister was driving 1 hour with a newborn to visit my grandmother because the outlook wasn't good. My sister was exhausted through it all as any new mother would be. My grandmother passed away just a few weeks after going into the hospital :( Fast forward to late 2006 and my sister finds out she's pregnant and due Sept. 11. Everyone is very excited until we find out at 10 weeks that she has had a miscarriage and then devastation, frustration, anger sit in.We ask the usual question "Why did this happen?" as most people do in times of grief. Here's why and it's the only thing that has provided me comfort and hopefully my sister too. My Dad went into the hospital around Sept. 11. This is when we found out that he was more ill then we ever dreamed. God took my sister's baby because yes, once again, she would have been traveling back and forth to the hospital with a newborn (and she probably couldn't have really had her baby in the hospital for infection reasons) to be with our Dad. She would have been dealing with a new baby, a toddler and hospital trips. Does it explain why Dad had to go through what he did? No, but I am sure there was a reason. There was a plan, that once again I don't understand, don't like, don't agree with but again, I have to believe it for the comfort it brings me. Agree or disagree, I don't care. I believe what I believe so that I can avoid feeling angry since this is the way I deal with grief.

1 comment:

  1. We don't understand why He gives us the trials He gives us at the time. But the puzzles pieces eventually all fit together to make a clear picture. I get a little anxious about what good things will come from bad.